Thursday, July 12, 2012
as we read the paper
you would point out obituaries
of elderly couples who had died
within tight orbit of each other.
I would nod my head
and say - makes sense to me.
of course they do.
We will not be one of those couples
neither elderly, nor dead within close range.
I was not one of those people who wondered
if I would survive
with resentful certainty
that I would live.
though I kept waiting
Buying half and half for my tea
I would glance at the expiration date on the carton
saying half out-loud
"I will be dead by then."
Every week, buying again,
saying I will be dead by then.
Sometime over the last several months, I have stopped saying this
Have stopped thinking it.
I reach into the stacks
see the date
and think -
pretty unlikely I'll be dead by then.
It is not a relief,
Now, how I can be fine, in the hours before the last calendar date
Fine, even relieved,
until it sneaks up behind me
smashing parts of this body, this me,
veins opened I have not seen or felt
flashing scenes of the soon after
slamming me back to the day
bruised and screaming
that I do not want to do this anymore
the place of retching will pass, I know
The day itself was beautiful, this week
but this is not that day.
the kettle is boiling
tea needs to be made
the date on the cream