fuckfucking julyfucking sucks
Now your having a shitty, lonely and painful day, and we are each sitting beside you
*i've been thinking- about how you said on my blog it's ridiculous how nothing comforts now when we're in the worst pain. was thinking maybe those things usually work because our problems are of this world and those are worldly comforts- but this is a cosmic problem- death so it needs a cosmic comfort...just thinking aloud.
I have always been a no-anaesthetic person, so I'm not surprised these worldly things would feel more offensive than comforting. It has been the cosmic comforts, and my own internal being, that I've gone to most of my life. But this - I don't know this cosmos. and sometimes brief little cosmic comforts do come. I need more of them. I often feel that those comforts are witheld, or too subtle. Gillian wrote on her blog about feeling like she was blindfolded, maimed, spun around and left in the desert, then told to find her way to god. Cosmic comforts are the only ones that help; it doesn't come from this worldly stuff. Worldy stuff is in no way big enough for death - a bandaid to the table leg to address your gaping chest wound.