Thursday, October 20, 2011

noticing, plus.

In the world of weird lying:

a woman I know tells me things personal things all the time, then posts the complete opposite on her fb page.

Another person I know just spent the weekend at an out-of-state rehab for her alcoholic husband, but writes a long fb status update about how she missed out on these other things going on because she was having a great time away at her husband's medical conference.

Why? I mean, if you are going to lie, or if you're embarassed about what is truly going on, why are you compelled to lie about it online? Why say anything? Humans. I do not understand.

I know I have my own issues and oddnesses. There are just some things that people do that I don't understand. The therapist, the massively judgmental, and the anthropologist parts of me collude on things like this.

Even this is loss - Matt and I noticed these kinds of things together. Meh. I don't feel like adding that right now. Right now I feel the tiniest bit more amused by the oddnesses of people than I do overwhelmed and lonlied by it, so I am gonna try and keep it that way.

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And then an addendum, because I don't feel like a whole other post - I spent most of the day in the ER, in a cervical collar and strapped to a board, because I hit my head really hard yesterday and my doctor thought my neck was broken. Unexpectedly strapped to a board, immobile, in pain, being asked questions about marital status and emergency contacts, trying not to scream for matt knowing he can't answer, trying to tell the nurses that part of my crying is not from physical pain so they wouldn't suddenly do more invasive procedures or something, all while surrounded by trauma triggers. It has been a long and painful day, and I am so glad to be home. No broken bones. Not allowed to go into work for a few days. Must lie down a lot.

I don't have to tell you all on how many levels and in how many ways this hurts.





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8 comments:

  1. Okay, so the lies people tell, I'm with you. I don't get it.

    Of the ER visit yesterday, how scary! I hope you are feeling okay today. I think these type of traumatic experiences take us beyond what we expected to go through alone. The tears are understood, well, at least by those of us on a similar path.

    Love you Megan.

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  2. Oh MEGAN!! How completely horrible.
    I kind of understand the sad / screaming / scared .... H's endoscopy was "nothing" but it was K's comment that she didn't want "more bad news like Daddy" which undid me.

    AS for lies on the internet, I've got to admit that I secretly say "May your life one day be as exciting as you make it out to be on facebook" every time I see another status update from some people....

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  3. oh honey, again, like a stuck record I will say it ... I wish I lived near you :-(

    I would have held your hand and told them about being a bit short on the next of kin thing ... like my boss did to the paramedics when I found out I had diabetes!

    So terrifying, so painful ... too painful Megan. Oh I wish I lived near you xxxx

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  4. Megan- I hope you are feeling ok - I get those tears...I sometimes worry too about what will happen if I do get hurt badly...all of that would have been running through my head and tears.
    The lying stuff is so crazy - those separations of perceived lives and real lives...I've never understood how people live in that dual type of place separating public persona from the person. Chris

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  5. thanks everyone. It helps immensely to have validation from those who know. Always surprised by how much that helps.

    Boo - a bit short on the next of kin. What an awesome way to say it. Think I will start using that one...

    And to the lying thing ~ I keep wanting to say, uh, excuse me, your incongruence is showing.... But I don't think they'd get it. :)

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  6. oh megan. so sorry. i've been dealing with an issue that had me in the hospital for tests and it was dreadful- so much surfaced there for me. i'm glad you didn't break your neck megan.

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  7. yeah, me too. I was lying there thinking - dying will be fine. Having to live incapacitated would be horrifying.

    So crazy to have so much come up while in the er, given that we never made it there.

    Did you have your mri?

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  8. Oh, megan. I am just catching up on reading friend's blogs today and came across this post. How frightening and, yes, traumatic. These kinds of events really seem to tear away the mask of managing okay and reveal our aloneness in the world. I've had a couple of close calls while on my road trips, and this summer, a large piece of lumber came loose from the side of the old house and smashed me in the face and across both upper arms while I was a few feet off the ground on a ladder. I was sure I was going to loose some front teeth. I reacted with such intense rage because I don't need these damned reminders that I can be so easily hurt and how fearsome a thing that is now that I am alone.
    Glad that you are okay. You didn't mention if this was a farm related incident, but be careful working around animals - I know you must be, but I can't help but say it. A man I knew well - he rode horses in the Grand National steeplechase - once told me never to trust a horse - never, ever, ever - and in my opinion, that extends to all farm animals. I've had enough years of experience and the accidents to prove it.
    Yes, people are odd about their public and private lives and what they say. I think I am pretty upfront - or at least I hope so - but some are not and I agree, it is kind of puzzling.
    Take care of yourself.

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