.
It's been awhile since I've given you any movie reviews.
http://www.sonyclassics.com/ofgodsandmen/
I saw this today. Is it playing near you? Go see it. Yes, it has death. I'm not sure how many tombstones to give it. Three? Four? There are no poignant actual death scenes. There is violence. There are tears, and they are quiet. There were a couple of scenes I had to cover my eyes, but not my ears. The calling of bullsh*t on god and on faith is done so beautifully and right. I cried through most of it, but a lot of that was because it was so intensely beautiful, even knowing what was to come. Even when what was to come had come.
I needed this movie. Especially when this world has seen so much violence, so much faith used as a platform of violence; especially when people celebrate death so easily, as though it changes anything. Especially when my normal sensitivity to the ugliness of humankind has become so unbearable without my love and my team here beside me. Especially now. Today.
So, my people, even though there is death, even though it is sad and beautiful, even though it earns tombstones and I don't know how many, it is worth it. To me, anyway. Today.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
PS - I guess technically, Of Gods and Men doesn't belong in the Tombstone Rating System, as you know right upfront from the previews and synopsis that death is involved. No sneaky hidden agendas in this movie.
****************************************************
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
the movies
I feel like I've taken some hits for the team, in terms of movies, these past couple of weeks. I know - no one asked me to. Certainly, I didn't want to take any "hits," for anyone. I am highly avoidant of poignancy, as I've written. I go into the movies these days with fingers crossed that there will be no death. No death in the actual movie, or anywhere around me. I go in with fingers crossed and the small comfort that if there is a sneaky death in the movie, I can write about it. At least I can warn you. Some good will come out of my pain. (derisive snort right there, no?)
I'll paste in the tombstone rating guide at the bottom of these reviews, but you can also look here for the introduction of the system. Remember, I'm only reviewing movies that seem like they would have no death or overt poignancy in them. You want to see "The Adjustment Bureau," I will neither join you nor warn you.
Monastery: Mr. Vig and the Nun; an obscure foreign documentary I found on netflix. By the description, I was thinking it would be a good "this is what I am doing for god" kind of movie. However, it is also the kind of movie where you keep watching thinking maybe something will happen, and you don't want to miss it. Right. I am not writing reviews on whether the movie is "good" or not. Just on whether there is death. Yes. In Mr. Vig and the Nun, there is death. All the way at the end, so if you fall asleep before the end, you will actually miss it. For the death, which is done in a very understated way, but with a very sweet "goodbye letter" read out loud, this film gets a Two Tombstone rating, though it does break a rule inherent in the two tombstone description. So maybe call it a 2.5.
Paul. I wanted to like this movie. Simon Pegg has a special place in Matt's and my life, notably for Shaun of the Dead, which Matt told me was a comedy in order to get me to watch it. I did like this movie. Mostly. There were scenes where I could completely hear Matt's comments, were he there to make them. There were parts where I laughed (rather rare these days). There is one widowed reference, which you will pick up, but it's just a quick character development type line; a one-off. If you weren't widowed, you wouldn't have noticed.
About three quarters of the way through, I picked up a foreshadowing clue that had been laid down in an earlier part of the movie and started bracing for the death I now knew was coming. I guessed one character, and decided I would be okay with that particular character dying. And then - I was wrong. Not about the death, about which character. It's pretty graphic. And - it's a Simon Pegg movie. So it's also very silly. But as I sat there, watching this scene unfold, I heard myself shut down, not allow myself to be affected by it. I actually asked myself - "if I were a widow, would I find this scene disturbing?" And then - "right. I am a widow. And I am aware I have taken myself out of experiencing this death scene by imagining how it would be for a different widow. One who is closer to the actual event that widowed them." Clearly, I am only the widow I currently am, and I can tell you that by blocking out what I was actually seeing, and adding a bit of cynical scoffing, I was able to be emotionally unaffected by the scene in question. Of course, a non-death related line from a different character several scenes later had me sobbing, so what do I know. I'm giving this movie a Three Tombstone rating. Depending on how sensitive you're feeling, and how well you can distract yourself, you may or may not make it through just fine.
I so much wanted to give you all a solid recommendation for non-death-involving entertainment. I even watched David Attenborough's "Birds of the Gods," thinking that would be perfect. Only an hour (for short attention spans), some really neat nature stuff, and no one dies. Got through the whole entire thing, and no one died. Except. Just before the credits roll, there is a screen shot of one of the main "characters" in this documentary. With birth and death dates below the young smiling face. It wasn't one of the birds' faces, either. It simply ended what was a nice, relaxing, bird geek nature show with my thoughts turned once again towards death. Birds of the Gods: Two Tombstones. But a "soft" two; turn it off before the credits, and it gets a One.
I can't leave you with nothing, so I am reaching back into my own personal movie watching archives. When it was in the theaters, I saw The Switch, with Jason Bateman (I mean, he was in it. I didn't watch it with him). As far as I recall, this movie had absolutely no death in it. I think I would remember if it did. What I remember is laughing so hard I forgot I was widowed. I kept thinking it was just the kind of sweet, silly movie we would both really like. It was 3/4 of the way through before I remembered that I would not be going home to Matt, and that he would not ever see this movie, at least not corporeally. This is a prime example of why even the One Tombstone rating has its own disclaimer. Even when no one dies, I cannot guarantee you will not end up crying, or throwing up in the parking lot. But the fact that I went that long in a movie, any movie, without being fully aware of my reality - well, that is a really good sign. A solid One Tombstone for The Switch. That's the best I can give you, folks.
The Tombstone Rating System for the Recently Bereaved* :
*Dan came up with the name
Five Tombstones: Really. Unless you are concerned you've become completely cold and unfeeling, and therefore need to test if you still have a heart to break, skip this movie. It is loaded with just too much.
Four tombstones: Some difficult and poignant scenes, death is a major theme, and you wouldn't know that from watching the previews; see it if you are feeling strong and stable, or at a weekday matinee where you can sob freely.
Three tombstones: While death may not be the whole idea, there are some scenes that are, or could be, quite difficult, depending on your personal experience. You could fast forward through them, but you might miss some key storylines. A Three Tombstone rating is sort of a gray area - could be fine, could knock you over the edge.
Two tombstones: there's death, or dying, but it's either over quickly, or it happens to a minor character and no one cries. Reasonably safe. (see my previous review of the King's Speech)
One tombstone: the movie is free from all overt death imagery. Not saying you won't find a trigger in the movie somewhere, but no one actually dies, and no one nearly dies.
________________________________________________________
I'll paste in the tombstone rating guide at the bottom of these reviews, but you can also look here for the introduction of the system. Remember, I'm only reviewing movies that seem like they would have no death or overt poignancy in them. You want to see "The Adjustment Bureau," I will neither join you nor warn you.
Monastery: Mr. Vig and the Nun; an obscure foreign documentary I found on netflix. By the description, I was thinking it would be a good "this is what I am doing for god" kind of movie. However, it is also the kind of movie where you keep watching thinking maybe something will happen, and you don't want to miss it. Right. I am not writing reviews on whether the movie is "good" or not. Just on whether there is death. Yes. In Mr. Vig and the Nun, there is death. All the way at the end, so if you fall asleep before the end, you will actually miss it. For the death, which is done in a very understated way, but with a very sweet "goodbye letter" read out loud, this film gets a Two Tombstone rating, though it does break a rule inherent in the two tombstone description. So maybe call it a 2.5.
Paul. I wanted to like this movie. Simon Pegg has a special place in Matt's and my life, notably for Shaun of the Dead, which Matt told me was a comedy in order to get me to watch it. I did like this movie. Mostly. There were scenes where I could completely hear Matt's comments, were he there to make them. There were parts where I laughed (rather rare these days). There is one widowed reference, which you will pick up, but it's just a quick character development type line; a one-off. If you weren't widowed, you wouldn't have noticed.
About three quarters of the way through, I picked up a foreshadowing clue that had been laid down in an earlier part of the movie and started bracing for the death I now knew was coming. I guessed one character, and decided I would be okay with that particular character dying. And then - I was wrong. Not about the death, about which character. It's pretty graphic. And - it's a Simon Pegg movie. So it's also very silly. But as I sat there, watching this scene unfold, I heard myself shut down, not allow myself to be affected by it. I actually asked myself - "if I were a widow, would I find this scene disturbing?" And then - "right. I am a widow. And I am aware I have taken myself out of experiencing this death scene by imagining how it would be for a different widow. One who is closer to the actual event that widowed them." Clearly, I am only the widow I currently am, and I can tell you that by blocking out what I was actually seeing, and adding a bit of cynical scoffing, I was able to be emotionally unaffected by the scene in question. Of course, a non-death related line from a different character several scenes later had me sobbing, so what do I know. I'm giving this movie a Three Tombstone rating. Depending on how sensitive you're feeling, and how well you can distract yourself, you may or may not make it through just fine.
I so much wanted to give you all a solid recommendation for non-death-involving entertainment. I even watched David Attenborough's "Birds of the Gods," thinking that would be perfect. Only an hour (for short attention spans), some really neat nature stuff, and no one dies. Got through the whole entire thing, and no one died. Except. Just before the credits roll, there is a screen shot of one of the main "characters" in this documentary. With birth and death dates below the young smiling face. It wasn't one of the birds' faces, either. It simply ended what was a nice, relaxing, bird geek nature show with my thoughts turned once again towards death. Birds of the Gods: Two Tombstones. But a "soft" two; turn it off before the credits, and it gets a One.
I can't leave you with nothing, so I am reaching back into my own personal movie watching archives. When it was in the theaters, I saw The Switch, with Jason Bateman (I mean, he was in it. I didn't watch it with him). As far as I recall, this movie had absolutely no death in it. I think I would remember if it did. What I remember is laughing so hard I forgot I was widowed. I kept thinking it was just the kind of sweet, silly movie we would both really like. It was 3/4 of the way through before I remembered that I would not be going home to Matt, and that he would not ever see this movie, at least not corporeally. This is a prime example of why even the One Tombstone rating has its own disclaimer. Even when no one dies, I cannot guarantee you will not end up crying, or throwing up in the parking lot. But the fact that I went that long in a movie, any movie, without being fully aware of my reality - well, that is a really good sign. A solid One Tombstone for The Switch. That's the best I can give you, folks.
The Tombstone Rating System for the Recently Bereaved* :
*Dan came up with the name
Five Tombstones: Really. Unless you are concerned you've become completely cold and unfeeling, and therefore need to test if you still have a heart to break, skip this movie. It is loaded with just too much.
Four tombstones: Some difficult and poignant scenes, death is a major theme, and you wouldn't know that from watching the previews; see it if you are feeling strong and stable, or at a weekday matinee where you can sob freely.
Three tombstones: While death may not be the whole idea, there are some scenes that are, or could be, quite difficult, depending on your personal experience. You could fast forward through them, but you might miss some key storylines. A Three Tombstone rating is sort of a gray area - could be fine, could knock you over the edge.
Two tombstones: there's death, or dying, but it's either over quickly, or it happens to a minor character and no one cries. Reasonably safe. (see my previous review of the King's Speech)
One tombstone: the movie is free from all overt death imagery. Not saying you won't find a trigger in the movie somewhere, but no one actually dies, and no one nearly dies.
________________________________________________________
Thursday, March 10, 2011
latest movies.
Good lord, why do I keep trying to "entertain" myself. I have watched three movies in that last couple of weeks. Two out of three had unexpected deaths in them. I freaking HATE the movies. This time, however, instead of making me cry, I just felt irritated. Is it not possible to make a movie without someone dying? Is it like required or something? WTH people (and by people, I mean movie making people in general). I would like to be entertained, not traumatized, or caught off guard by your big screen death issues. I would like a little warning before I make the effort to "take my mind off of things."
Ahem. As a public, and somewhat tongue-in-cheek, service for the widowed, I now give you...
The Tombstone Rating System for the Recently Bereaved* :
*Dan came up with the name
Five Tombstones: Really. Unless you are concerned you've become completely cold and unfeeling, and therefore need to test if you still have a heart to break, skip this movie. It is loaded with just too much.
Four tombstones: Some difficult and poignant scenes, death is a major theme, and you wouldn't know that from watching the previews; see it if you are feeling strong and stable, or at a weekday matinee where you can sob freely.
Three tombstones: While death may not be the whole idea, there are some scenes that are, or could be, quite difficult, depending on your personal experience. You could fast forward through them, but you might miss some key storylines. A Three Tombstone rating is sort of a gray area - could be fine, could knock you over the edge.
Two tombstones: there's death, or dying, but it's either over quickly, or it happens to a minor character and no one cries. Reasonably safe. (see my previous review of the King's Speech)
One tombstone: the movie is free from all overt death imagery. Not saying you won't find a trigger in the movie somewhere, but no one actually dies, and no one nearly dies.
__________________________________________________________________
I'm only posting movie warnings for those movies that you wouldn't expect to have random death in them, and yet - they do. If you want to purposely watch movies loaded with poignancy, by all means - rent, um, I don't know - I don't watch those movies anymore. I know enough to not do that to myself. It's these movies that aren't supposed to be all deathy that really get me. There are enough grief landmines in this world without getting hit by one when you are trying to be entertained. I'll try not to give too much of the story away while still giving you a decent heads-up, if you'd like one.
My three most recent movies:
MegaMind. I figured animated super-hero movies would be safe. No. There is accidental/on-purpose death, with accompanying long, sad "goodbyes I didn't get to say." Tombstone rating? A three, because while it's animated and rather goofy, the sheer annoyance I felt at the unexpected Long Sad Goodbyes spoken to a photograph, plus another element I won't reveal, boosted it up from a two.
Coco Before Chanel. I liked this movie. 3/4 of this movie. Just about the time things were getting good for our young Coco, I said outloud, "Oh. He's going to die. Next scene. Just watch." Sure enough. Accidental death. It was not over-done, nor overly dramatic. Again, I was more irritated than anything else. You can fast forward through a couple of minutes, but by then, the emotional damage is done. Thankfully, most of the movie is over by then. I give it a One tombstone for the first 3/4, a Three tombstone rating once the obvious next developments become obvious.
Kings of Pastry. Woo Hoo!!! A movie with absolutely no death in it whatsoever! For that, it gets the One Tombstone rating, which means that while no one dies, I'm still not going to guarantee is won't break your heart or set off a chain of memories. It just isn't going to do that overtly, on purpose, or by design. For a movie about spun sugar and cream puffs, it was surprisingly stressful, but kind of in a good way. The no-unexpected-deaths kind of way.
___________________________________________________________________
Tombstone Rating System copywright megan devine and dan cano, 2011.
Ahem. As a public, and somewhat tongue-in-cheek, service for the widowed, I now give you...
The Tombstone Rating System for the Recently Bereaved* :
*Dan came up with the name
Five Tombstones: Really. Unless you are concerned you've become completely cold and unfeeling, and therefore need to test if you still have a heart to break, skip this movie. It is loaded with just too much.
Four tombstones: Some difficult and poignant scenes, death is a major theme, and you wouldn't know that from watching the previews; see it if you are feeling strong and stable, or at a weekday matinee where you can sob freely.
Three tombstones: While death may not be the whole idea, there are some scenes that are, or could be, quite difficult, depending on your personal experience. You could fast forward through them, but you might miss some key storylines. A Three Tombstone rating is sort of a gray area - could be fine, could knock you over the edge.
Two tombstones: there's death, or dying, but it's either over quickly, or it happens to a minor character and no one cries. Reasonably safe. (see my previous review of the King's Speech)
One tombstone: the movie is free from all overt death imagery. Not saying you won't find a trigger in the movie somewhere, but no one actually dies, and no one nearly dies.
__________________________________________________________________
I'm only posting movie warnings for those movies that you wouldn't expect to have random death in them, and yet - they do. If you want to purposely watch movies loaded with poignancy, by all means - rent, um, I don't know - I don't watch those movies anymore. I know enough to not do that to myself. It's these movies that aren't supposed to be all deathy that really get me. There are enough grief landmines in this world without getting hit by one when you are trying to be entertained. I'll try not to give too much of the story away while still giving you a decent heads-up, if you'd like one.
My three most recent movies:
MegaMind. I figured animated super-hero movies would be safe. No. There is accidental/on-purpose death, with accompanying long, sad "goodbyes I didn't get to say." Tombstone rating? A three, because while it's animated and rather goofy, the sheer annoyance I felt at the unexpected Long Sad Goodbyes spoken to a photograph, plus another element I won't reveal, boosted it up from a two.
Coco Before Chanel. I liked this movie. 3/4 of this movie. Just about the time things were getting good for our young Coco, I said outloud, "Oh. He's going to die. Next scene. Just watch." Sure enough. Accidental death. It was not over-done, nor overly dramatic. Again, I was more irritated than anything else. You can fast forward through a couple of minutes, but by then, the emotional damage is done. Thankfully, most of the movie is over by then. I give it a One tombstone for the first 3/4, a Three tombstone rating once the obvious next developments become obvious.
Kings of Pastry. Woo Hoo!!! A movie with absolutely no death in it whatsoever! For that, it gets the One Tombstone rating, which means that while no one dies, I'm still not going to guarantee is won't break your heart or set off a chain of memories. It just isn't going to do that overtly, on purpose, or by design. For a movie about spun sugar and cream puffs, it was surprisingly stressful, but kind of in a good way. The no-unexpected-deaths kind of way.
See, people who make movies? Death is not a requirement for decent cinema.
___________________________________________________________________
Tombstone Rating System copywright megan devine and dan cano, 2011.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
movie landmine warning.
Why do I go to the movies anymore? Lordy.
Without giving the story away, but in the interest of fair warning:
In case anyone is planning to see the movie I Love You Phillip Morris,
there are death scenes.
Based on the previews, I was not expecting this movie to have death scenes.
Just as I was not expecting death or widowhood when I went
to see Nanny McPhee, Inception, or most of the films I have seen in
the last 18 months. I think I have blocked out most of them, because I
can't remember them now.
I will say that I recently saw The King's Speech, and not only is it a
fantastic film with great acting, there was no dea... oh, shoot. I just remembered.
There was a death in that one too. But it wasn't an emotional death scene, at least for me.
So there we have it. The best movie review I can give you, and all I can say is -
the death in it isn't that bad.
Without giving the story away, but in the interest of fair warning:
In case anyone is planning to see the movie I Love You Phillip Morris,
there are death scenes.
Based on the previews, I was not expecting this movie to have death scenes.
Just as I was not expecting death or widowhood when I went
to see Nanny McPhee, Inception, or most of the films I have seen in
the last 18 months. I think I have blocked out most of them, because I
can't remember them now.
I will say that I recently saw The King's Speech, and not only is it a
fantastic film with great acting, there was no dea... oh, shoot. I just remembered.
There was a death in that one too. But it wasn't an emotional death scene, at least for me.
So there we have it. The best movie review I can give you, and all I can say is -
the death in it isn't that bad.
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