orbit

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It's coming in close again. July. Honestly, I can't say that I've felt it any differently. I'm not sure. What I do know is that year three has not been good and I am glad to see it end.

I don't know what to write here anymore. I'm working on things, trying to make this life suitable for my inhabitance. Feeling immensely frustrated. Restless. Life feels inordinately vexing.

There isn't any tenderness, and I know that is a large part of the "problem." A severe lack of belly laughs, of adventure, of feeling at home, of being loved and cared for. Of being a team. A catch-22 - what I need I am in no state to receive. (Ha - I can mean that quite literally too, as we were moving out of this State we'd lived in because we wanted a new adventure, more things to do. Anyway.) That the physical details of this life are rough right now is made worse by knowing I'm in it alone. I think I am tired of hearing myself say that.

An unsatisying post in an unsatisfying time. At least I'm congruent.

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And then I found this video, below. Water imagery: painful. But worth it for the words.


                     

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DARK SIDE OF THE LENS from Astray Films on Vimeo.

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     ...mumbling to yourself while you hold position and wait....
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