Sunday, August 7, 2011

some sweetness

It has been rough, people. I know you know, so I don't need to get into it.

But today, I have had some sweetnesses. After changing out of barn clothes, I attempted the "shop for san diego" thing again. I actually looked at, and bought, dresses. Can I just say to you that today is the first time I have felt any interest whatsoever in my appearance. The first time in exactly 2 years and one month that I have wanted to be at least a little bit pretty. I just need to remember to not wear anything pretty to the barn, or while cooking, in the next 5 days. I can become stained just by standing still.

And, after making a very sarcastic comment about death and accidents on a friend's facebook page, a very old and dear mutual friend sent me an email. We haven't spoken since grad school, maybe 12 years ago. There are still people I care about who do not know. After just over two years, I still have to say the words to new ears. I got the most beautiful, heart-lifting and helpful message from he and his wife tonight - an excerpt, because it is so perfectly beautiful for what I asked for as I went to sleep last night:

The photographs are beautiful, and it is plain fate robbed you. I don't know you real well, but please know that you are one of a tiny, tiny handful of people who I've known in this world who when you spoke of magic, I believed, and I've thought of you often when I grow cynical or exhausted at the general mayhem which continues to rule the day. I still have that photo of you and A, the fire still glows off of it. It is blessed to know where you are once again. Please know as I'm sure you do that the earth delights to lift us up, even in this time that is so bittersweet for you, and you'll fly in realms you knew before your love was taken away. I know this of you. Peace to you. 

So much exactly what I needed.

And if that weren't enough (and there is a huge void to fill, so nothing is quite enough), I somehow landed on this blog, and was stunned to read that she was widowed by drowning. That she was there when it happened. There are a couple of other similarities between she and I, but enough to say - wow.

Okay. I am heading home, to the land of no internet, where the dog is waiting patiently to play, and chickens probably need to be fed. Nice clothes will have to wait for later.



  1. Good things surrounding you, beautiful lady.
    ...and finding another widow who you can connect with on so many points is nothing short of amazing.
    Sudden death sucks.

  2. Thank goodness for small mercies like our dogs and finding each other via the Internet.

    Love, HB from Planet Grief xx